Racism Everywhere

in other countries
in my countries
in other city
in my city
in my big family
in my home
it might also be in me...

I hate it.
But I feel hopeless when I see my surroundings.
Why can't we just accept and respect each other without judging only from the pigment of our skins?
Why can't we just live in peace?

The Money Problem

After one week long holiday I feel a bit slow to catch up. I try to not force myself in the office and focus to finish a freelance project, brochure alternatives for my uncle's laundry shop. I managed to focus on my night shift work until Wednesday. I feel weird though, like numb. I can't even genuinely happy when I found out my illustration became the cover for my newest published children books. Seeing others achievement also makes me bitter and jealous inside.

Finally I'm having a breakdown in Thursday. Maybe because I'm also having my period gain. And some office work need to be redone, and I don't have any idea for the 5th brochure. Those feelings that makes me worthless and anxious that actually creeping since Monday finally get it's attention again. I feel like I want to die and cry on Thursday night. I feel tired from my work and felt guilty for being tired. I felt like I don't have the right to be tired since my work accomplishment (especially in office) is slow. I guess I need to get ready to be yelled next week...

I woke up exhausted in Friday morning, trying so hard to keep focus. The list for my office work is still quite long, I hope I can really manage to finish the stage next Tuesday and move on with refining assets. Attack in Nice, France, really just adding more piles to my global paranoia. My brother also having a not really good day. He's not feeling well and his plan was ruined all day. I actually want to eat Japanese food with him, but his day was pretty messed up already so I ask him to eat his favorite tenderloin steak.

Lately I also feel troubled since I always low on money even though it's still half of the month. I can't even manage my daily necessity without get in debts. I guess it's because I have accident with my teeth 2-3 months ago and the cost is pretty big and I still have to pay the debt for that. But it still stress me out since I also need money for skin care, hair care, eye doctor, and psychologist. But I don't have it. My projects are also still on progress so it's hard to collect the money from there. I really need to finish them as soon as possible. I also need to prepare for new laptop and eyeglasses and it do cost a lot...

I woke up with Turkey's coup news from Twitter feed, another stack for my global paranoia... But today went well somehow, and I feel grateful for that. My uncle likes my design alternatives for his brochure. Now I can focus to finish another freelance for children book.

I also manage to tidy up my clothes drawer, sold some old comics and sent them, paying some debt to my brother (and leave myself with pretty little money...), tidy up my children books collection, and read some comics before I finally get back to my place.

I really want to play some games. But the list for Sunday work is also pretty long. God please give me strength...