For the last two weeks I've been working 7 days a week. My work isn't finished yet. It might actually increased with all revisions and stuffs. But I decided to not work this weekend because I feel like I've reach the limit. My performance won't get any better if I keep working and my health is declining. I get anxious everytime I look into mirror and see my eye bag and fallen hair got worse. I've become more insomniac.
Thankfully I didn't cry this past two weeks. I don't meet my psychologist yet since they didn't contact me anymore after I asked the meeting to be delayed because of my work. I wonder what's wrong that makes them not contacting me anymore. I know I'm dealing with university service for this consultation so I don't put too much expectation. It's just since I've been there and they know my stories and the fee still affordable for me, so I feel reluctant to try other psychologist.
I still want to consult about how often lately I feel fear for nothing or just very small trigger. It's like my body turns to auto-anxious mode for small reasons and my brain don't even processing what the hell am I worried about.
October is coming and I decided to do Inktober this year. I want to draw whatever I want without having to care about what people will say or whatever mess I'll make. I want to draw to relax. The thought of people judging my works and the thought of how others do better than me still makes me scared. But let's just try something different this time.
