Dear Hippocampus, please be well. T_T

When was I never worried. I worry all the time. ==;
Now I'm worrying my brain. I can't control my emotion even for something small. I have auto fear response for sometimes for nothing. I hope it's not related with how I fell, smacked my jaw, and damaged my 2 front teeth some months ago. I'm worried that my hippocampus is already having problems... I won't suffocate myself anymore, so please be well... T___T

Today, I went to immigration office again. My business there finished around 8am. I was relieved and impressed it didn't took so long. But I found myself feeling guilty because now I actually could go to work. But I didn't. Instead, I went to shopping malls, ate lots of xiao long paos, ate some desserts, and walking around the malls.

My auto fear response was triggered when I remembered today is Tuesday and I was having cake ate working hours. I almost fell again because I didn't notice there is stairs in front of me. Thank God my brother grabbed me fast so I didn't fall completely and didn't get hurt.

Tomorrow is another workday. I really need this project to be finished before I can really feel calm about everything.

Rotting Avocado

I managed to finish 2 cutscenes at Friday. Now only 1 cutscene left. But I'm still not sure. Perhaps there will be another revision. I brought the last avocado to my home. 

I ate some low budget tepanyaki for dinner. A bit so so, but I was still happy to be able to ate with my brother.

Saturday, I have yellow turmeric fried rice for breakfast, the best thing that I can only enjoy at home. 

I went to the mall to buy a shirt for my passport photo. I didn't have shirt with collar. I also ate some cha soba and really happy to finally able to enjoy some cha soba. 

For dinner I have chicken soup at home. My dad also bought us McDonalds apple pies. It's not really a pie, though.

I spent the night fixing my hotel booking with my brother. Now I can arrange my vacation schedule in more detail. I close the day by answering survey for participating as research subject for online depression help.

Sunday, it's raining from morning till afternoon. I actually planned to eat xiao long pao and buy some breads, but the rain put halt for my plan.

We bought some bread in the afternoon while pick up Mom. At car she stated how smelly my body was over and over again. I couldn't handle that and cried in the car. I tried my best to hide the fact that I was crying.

The avocado roted, so I couldn't eat it anymore. It got thrown away...

Before we went to church she asked me to clean my armpit and put another shirt. I can't hide it anymore and I break in front of her. I cried so hard with all the stress, anxiety, I feel so shameful that I can't managed by emotions. I know I shouldn't cry so much for being told about my smell, maybe just a little annoyed. But I can't handle it.

I can't tell much to them. Because we're late for church and I couldn't managed to tell them how actually depressed I am. I still cry during the church mass session, but I managed to get calmer.

We went to ate a very good rice poridge at Mangga Besar. I felt happy to be able to ate it. We didn't discuss about me anymore. I guess that's for the best.

Monday, my brother and I woke up early to go to immigration office. But our documents were not complete, so we went back early.

My credit problem isn't solved either. I will still be viewed as bad creditor as long as the one who buy my mom's kiosk is still late with her payment. 

Luckily, I also took a leave for tomorrow. I hope tomorrow will be better and everything will went well.