I cry at the office again, for another small matter. Some colleagues just mention their irritation with my singing habit when I listen to music while working. And suddenly it's burst again, all the stress, anxiety, and insecurity I've tried to manage. I couldn't hold my tears an cry for almost an hour. After tired I finally could work and try to smile. The I get back and I started to cry again.
I understand they're just joking. But somehow I can't control the anger and sadness. Perhaps some noticed I was crying but didn't dare to ask much. They might think I'm weird of a bad person to be oversensitive for such joke.
I also tired with work and revisions. It feels like nothing's gonna end. There's also something wrong and it's all my fault. And the feelings that makes me just want ti disappear is keep resurfacing. I try to remind myself that I still have a big vacation plan next year. I still have someone to care about me. I need to life.
Can I tell someone that I'm having burnout and anxiety? I'm so afraid people will just see me as weird and sick person.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Low Body Temperature
Ever since I had healed from my dengue fever + typhoid last year, I have persistent low body temperature. I never get more than 36.4 Celcius, mostly it's 35.6-36.1 Celcius.
Today after finishing my 2nd Inktober, I was feeling depressed and thinking weird things again. And those "I want to die" voices just keeps coming back. I wonder if I shouldn't do inktober after all. It feels nice and fun while I was drawing what I want but after that it's all anxiety for not drawing something nice enough or presentable enough.
After a while ruminating I feel hungry and have a little headache, so I decided to eat soto (Indonesian soup with chicken broth and turmeric). And since my head still heavy and the weather is pretty nice, I take 5-10 minutes strolling around.
I get back and still having hard times to focus on doing anything I planned for today. And the headache is still there so I'm taking temperature, worried that I might have unnoticed fever again. But what I get is actually 35.0 Celcius. I try my other armpit and I actually get 34.6 Celcius. So I turned off my air conditioner and from time to time I'm taking axillary temperature, so far it get's to 35.4 Celcius. At least it gradually risen up, I guess?
I wonder if this is something that need to be consulted to doctor or it's actually nothing much.
Today after finishing my 2nd Inktober, I was feeling depressed and thinking weird things again. And those "I want to die" voices just keeps coming back. I wonder if I shouldn't do inktober after all. It feels nice and fun while I was drawing what I want but after that it's all anxiety for not drawing something nice enough or presentable enough.
After a while ruminating I feel hungry and have a little headache, so I decided to eat soto (Indonesian soup with chicken broth and turmeric). And since my head still heavy and the weather is pretty nice, I take 5-10 minutes strolling around.
I get back and still having hard times to focus on doing anything I planned for today. And the headache is still there so I'm taking temperature, worried that I might have unnoticed fever again. But what I get is actually 35.0 Celcius. I try my other armpit and I actually get 34.6 Celcius. So I turned off my air conditioner and from time to time I'm taking axillary temperature, so far it get's to 35.4 Celcius. At least it gradually risen up, I guess?
I wonder if this is something that need to be consulted to doctor or it's actually nothing much.
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