To be honest, I didn't get any economic profit from this event. I might loss almost 2 million for producing stuffs to be sold. So I'm pretty depressed about that. But meeting lots of old friends and other artist and seeing how people appreciate my works makes me feel this event might not be so bad and I gain other things.
Perhaps because I was away from office that I feel like I forgot my burnout when attending the event. I feel like I can plan my days and work much better after this. My freelance job is done, the event is done, I can concentrate better with my office work, continue to learn language and drawing skills again.
The next Monday though, I was faced with bad news. Bathroom renovation in my boarding place is getting much worse while I'm having my period. I was really panicked with the situation. My room is full of dust and getting out from there is pretty messy. It's also stink since the pipe exposed in front of my room. I get my brother to quickly take me back to my parents place because I couldn't stand it.
Tuesday I'm having breakdown again at night for several mistakes I had made and make me furious at myself. My work is also a mess while my friends keep pressure me with the deadline and my boss also gave briefing with also hints of pressures. When I realized I didn't bring my laptop cable from my renovated place, I freak out and cry. How I feel useless and unworthy is creeping back as if all the happy times at PopCon is never happened. I even wondered if I didn't allowed to be better and be happy.
In the end I have to get back and get the cable so I can work at my parents house in Wednesday. It's holiday and I actually also want to continue my office work so I can catch the deadline. But I can't manage to do that. And even though this day is holiday, I just managed to work design freelance for my uncle's laundry shop. I feel unsatisfied and fear tomorrow will be hell...
I'm scared...
