Super Moon

I try so hard not to think about how I don't like to be lectured by someone who was behind me before. I can't help to feel worthless. I write this blog so I can just dump my darkest feelings and move on with my work. It's not like I hate him or hate his progress. I hate myself for being stagnant and still don't understand which way of thinking that was wrong in my head.

I don't know how to know where the balance of pushing myself too hard or being lazy. These scary feelings every time I work makes me just want to find something else for distraction. I thought I'll be better after all these crunch is done. But I guess it's not that easy. Or am I just not trying hard enough and using all these burnout as excuses? Should I just disappear so I won't make trouble for anyone? Should I just die so I won't make trouble for myself? Or is it just the moon cycle?

Today is super moon. The sky is cloudy but the moon still shine so brightly in it's golden ray. Someone with the moon as his name will face his tribulation tomorrow. I pray so hard for him, I hope everything went well tomorrow for him. For me as well...