After Consultation

The consultation actually went much better than I expected. I can release many stuffs I feel anxious about honestly and the psychologist give me some insight for me to think about my burden source. She also say I have another problem that impact a lot to my low self confidence but that burnout needs to be tackled first since it makes everything a lot worse.

So here's some conclusion from my session :

Not Depression
According to her, I do have anxiety and obvious burnout, but not depression. I still able to maintain my food intake and healthy sleeping hours (although in my case, my must have 7 hours sleeping is an automatic body condition, which is why I envy other people who can sleep less). Well, that's a relief. :)

I need to reduce my working time
I scheduled all my time for work from Monday to Sunday which is actually harm my productivity. As I'm being stressed constantly, there's inner part of me who fell sick and scared on how my work will be judged by others. So unconsciously I'm trying so hard to do something else aside work, resulting to my poor concentration and poor performance.

Manage time for fun, learning, friends, family, anything that didn't related with work
So I need to consciously cutting some of the burden and consciously make time for entirely having fun or learning something else. I'm still troubled to having fun without feeling guilty. Even though there's part of me who relieved to have justification for reducing my work, the guilt for being relieved about it also exist. There's also problems with deadlines and so on... Every time I think about this, I feel like it might be easier if the angry client killed me instead.

Let out
Which is why I'm writing in these no viewer blog. I need a someone or space to let out whatever the form. She ask me to continuing this habit. Thought honestly I tend to ruminate more after writing off my mind. :/

My working style is actually a bit clashed with my company's work habit
After hearing my stories, she said I'm actually a scheduled person who likes routine but my boss habit is actually flexible and contrasting mine. Which is why I easily feel stress with his way of work and pressure.

Don't feel guilty for wanting work life balance
I do feel guilty about it since I feel that my boss pressured me (all of us in the company) to devoted our all for working, for the company, and still we have to be able to improve skills. I feel like a failure if I can't manage to work harder.

Don't compare yourself to others
Everybody is different so just focus on what's best for me. But it's not easy for me with all the guilt...

Focus on your bigger long term goal
Since this one supposed to be my life fulfilling goal, I need to start focusing to this one. But for the short term, cut or finish everything that bugging me currently so I can move to this one.

Exercise
It's not from the psychologist, but I do feel the need of having routine exercise even though it's not my favorite activity. She also suggest me to take Vitamin B complex when the work pressure is hard and I have no time to exercise.


It's not going the be easy and the next 2-3 months will be rough. But there will be 1 week vacation for big holiday early next month so I hope I could manage to finish my freelance work, clean up my room, have 1-2 days for playing games, spa, or shopping, and correcting my habit.