I wonder how do people actually know when they should go to psychologist or there's still no need for that. As usual, I feel like I can't control my life and my schedule and frustrated on how I can't achieve what I want. I wake up late for the last 3 days. Didn't even bother to stay until 8pm in the office even though I was late. The thought of still in the office at 8pm and only able to reach my dorm at 9pm always terrifies me. And the list of task keep piling up after one of my colleagues resigned. But lately even though I know I want to cry or get angry, there's certain numbness inside me that I can't really explain properly. Everything feels wrong.
I feel torn between my understanding how I need to work harder and my other side who do anything for the sake of making me feel happier even if it's just fleeting. I respect my boss a lot and understand how he work so hard and how passionate he is. I feel ashamed I can't keep up with him. I feel ashamed for terrified with overtime. I feel insomniac in a way that I don't really enthusiast in finding myself wake up to brace the next day. But it's not like I'm having trouble to sleep. I can easily sleep for 6-8 hours (and I can't sleep less than 6 hours), it's just I feel reluctant to go to sleep unless my head and eyes are really tired.
Now it's 3am. I hope I won't be late today.
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