I've bought it

I spend Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday drowned in anxiety. It concern me since I feel uncomfortable around chest and stomach area. I find my body responding as if I was in fear. But I can't find right reason or trigger for these fear. I feel fear but for nothing and I'm confused.

Any disturbance like sudden workload with tight deadlines made it worse. I almost get panic attack when suddenly my boss ask me to make fan and brochure, and  design for next week event. My work pace is in mess. They also ask me to buy some plastics for the event.

I feel worse and can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm gonna die and have nothing more to look up in my life. I also contacted to make appointment to psychologist but they didn't reply yet so far.

In desperation I finally ask my bosses that I want 9 days off next April. I didn't even expect they will give it to me. They might be a bit annoyed by my request but I don't care anymore. What I want when I ask them is actually just the confirmation, whether I can have it or not. Yes or No, that's all I want.

In my surprise, they give in and allow me to have that 9 days off. I actually didn't prepare for that. But somehow I feel a bit better, now I have reason for not thinking about dying. I can't think about dying when going there now felt attainable while I don't have to worry if I need to get out from my office or not if I want to go there. My anxiety reduced a lot, replaced by another kind of anxiety but at least now I can feel hope. Something that a bit out of reach lately.

I told my brother about their approval and we buy the ticket today as if we buy it on impulse. Didn't even tell our parents yet about this. I really hope I can prepare this vacation as best as I can and everything will went well.

Now what's left that can make me panic next week is whether my boss happy with the printing for brochure (the result a bit too dark from what I had hoped), the fan printing progress (the most nerve wracking of all), and my overall workload.

I already download the newest Ace Attorney, I hope I can play it wisely.