Won't do that anymore

I struggle to wake up this Thursday. But I have to go to work. I'm a bit late.

I finished small animation work for stage object. Then I ate one of the avocados. It wasn't fully ripe yet. I will eat the other avocado in Saturday or Sunday.

I was stressed with the next work effect assets since it needs pretty big map. I made them smaller. I still need pretty big asset maps.

I was still hungry so I made overcooked style omelette with sweet soy sauce. I ate it with rice and fried onion.

I finally finished resizing assets by 6pm. The animation was finished around 8.30pm. I couldn't ask my colleague to check it yet. I'll do that tomorrow.

By the time I get back, it's 9 pm. Bought to small steamed buns and Lawson's Salad. I feel a bit guilty for eating again.

As usual, it's hard to just brush my teeth and take a bath before checking my computers so I idling around the net until around 10pm. I tempted to strangling myself. If I feel the pain and invoking my urge to survive, maybe I won't think about suicide again, right?

...
Okay, Won't do that anymore. It's painful.

My head keep repeating every bad scenario and so many harsh word people will say to me. Is it because my brain is lacking oxygen and blood circulation for some seconds?

I'm crying again. I don't really understand why I keep crying. I'm not hurt, nor having extreme situation that makes it normal to cry right? Someone said suicidal thoughts is because people want to escape from pain. What is it from burnout that could be regarded as painful?

I just realized I forgot to shut down one of my colleagues computer. I need to notify someone who still at the office. Then I realized I didn't check my LINE. My boss ask me about some character sheet. I feel panic again.

Just one more day and I will have my day off...